Thursday, September 6, 2012

Learning

Pearl and I having lunch last week with friends from my old job.
While I was in college, I dated a guy for about two seconds who asked me this question, "Are you going to school for apparel design because you want to do that as a job or because you want to learn how to make clothes for your children someday?"  That question made me so upset.  Yeah, ultra conservative-a wife's place is at home-guy, my parents and I are in student loan debt just so I can learn to make clothes for my kids.  I seriously wanted to punch that guy.
I obviously think that was a terrible question to ask a woman, and I can confidently say there wasn't a woman in my program who was going to school for that reason.  With that said, I am currently not working outside the home and I am caring for my daughter.  It is a busy and rewarding job, but it is not the job that I spent years preparing for and was proud to tell people about when they asked what I did for work.  My identity was so wrapped up in being a designer.  
I plan to work as a commercial designer again (soon if the perfect job came along), and I'm also working hard to find freelance jobs, but that's not the point.  The point is that I am a stay-at-home-mom right now.  It isn't what I planned, but as soon as I had Pearl, it is what I wanted.  I'm trying to get over feeling embarrassed because I don't have this super creative, cool sounding job anymore.  I know it's a stupid thing to worry about, but I do so I thought I would share.  I'm learning that my identity is not the same thing as my occupational title.  There is so much more to me than that.

Have any of you other moms struggled with something similar?
-Kira

P.S. Knowing how to make clothing items for Pearl has turned out to be a useful skill to have, but whatever, that question still sucked :)

20 comments:

  1. Haha...I agree his question definitely sucked! I am not in your position yet, but being a stay at home mom is not a job to be embarrassed of. You have a very challenging and important job even if no one else gets it!

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  2. I think being a stay at home if you are able and want to really makes God's heart smile! What a better job than loving and caring for another human being. And even though you may feel like "just a stay at home mom" I'm sure you have already realized that you have taken on the role as teacher, nurse, singer, seamstress, designer, cook, and soooo much more! As long as you are able to incorporate your passion (design) into your life, whether through a career or not, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. I can certainly understand that conflict with your identity though, I can imagine that motherhood is a huge transition and a sacrifice, but like you are discovering, it is worth it! Keep on keepin on Kira :)

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    1. Thanks Megan, I totally agree that being a mom is very important work. Definitely the most challenging and rewarding job I have ever had!

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    1. Thanks Alli! I figured out a trick to get her to keep them on. I put it on when she is asleep and she doesn't try to pull it off if she doesn't know it's there :)

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  4. I think being a stay-at-home mom is pretty freakin' cool! I hope I can be in that position if I ever have children - or at least a work-from-home mom. I can only imagine how fascinating it could be to witness a human being grow and develop. I completely understand it being a difficult transition, though, especially for a career-focused woman. I would imagine it'd take some time to adjust but I think you're doing it beautifully. :)

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  5. I think this is one reason why I don't want to have offspring - I didn't go to college to stretch my uterus. I went there for a non-MRS degree. But then again, there needs to be more Gingers in the world...so I'm stuck...until Amazon sells babies and I can hire a nanny to watch it. Unless you're free to take on another...in like 3 years. Let's not quit the wine drinking just yet! ;)

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  6. Being a sahm is definitely hard work! There's nothing to be embarrased about! I think being a mom truly is the most important & rewarding job of all... But I do understand how you feel about work, especially since I'm also working in the fashion industry!
    In the end, I'm sure everything will settle into place just like you want it to! :)

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    1. Totally! What's your background? Are you a designer too?

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    2. I'm a kids fashion designer! :)
      I graduated 6 years ago!

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  7. i stayed home with both boys (neither time by choice) but I am really glad I did have that time with them as babies. I can't imagine sending my 3 month old off to daycare...both times I was unemployed I did feel guilty for not working/pulling my weight and hated saying I was a Stay At Home mom, hence starting my own etsy shop making babies clothes and bags...it took time to get back into the workforce, but i think being a parent makes you a better employee and worker. You know what is really important in life and you can multi-task like nobody else! It is hard to not feel guilty for not being able to stay late or having to run out for appointments/stay home with a sick kid. But really, they are so much more important than a job. Mom defines you more than where you get your paycheck.

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    1. Erin, this is super encouraging! I'm so worried that this break is going to mess with my career momentum so it's definitely helpful to hear that you were home with both boys and now are back to working at a job that seems to fit really well for you.

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  8. AMEN! I am a stay at home mom, and I confess...I have been embarrassed in the past to say this was my "job". But, WHY do I say it so sheepishly? "I stay at home with my little boy." WHY!? I don't FEEL sheepishly about this "job" that I take so very seriously. I don't feel bad that I am working hard at raising a child to be an amazing person. So what if I went to college, got a BS in Political Science and got halfway through my MBA....so what if I thought I'd have some big dazzling career by now....I couldn't be happier than I am right now at this very minute. If only the people that are on the outside looking in could see....just what a hard/fun/confusing/stressful/uplifting/amazing JOB we have! Stay at home Moms UNITE! Let's stop being bashful about it...and be proud of our awesome job title!! YAY! :)

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  9. Love this. And yeah, I would like to think we all go through something like this... at least I did.

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  10. Oh my gosh your daughter is the cutest, and that question was kind of rude, hey? xo

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  11. I had a great job as a NICU nurse before staying home- I was proud of getting that job straight out of college and it felt good to tell people that when I was asked about what I did for a living. I feel a little self-conscious sometimes about telling people that I stay home now. But I feel the same way- my occupation wasn't ever and isn't my identity. I think that's something to be proud to tell people! An occupation being someone's whole identity is rather sad to me. There should be so much more than that to everyone. And yeah, good thing that dude made that stupid comment so you only had to waste two seconds on him! ;)

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  12. I'm not a stay at home mom. I'm a full time working womam. I work in the field I went to school for and am really happy with my job! However, at the same time, I am longing to have kids. If I had a baby I would drop it all (like you did) to be a stay at home mom! That in itself is a full time job! What you are doing as a stay at home mom is making such a huge impact on your precious little daughters life! Don't feel like "being a stay at home mom" is embarassing. As far as I am concerned, that is my biggest dream. I admire you! You should be so proud :) What you are doing is far more important than what many others are doing. You can follow your dreams of being a designer, but you will never regret staying home w/ your girl. Be proud hun! :)

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  13. Beautiful pics, she's cute and sweet:)

    I'm inviting to my blog, dear!

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  14. I do wonder sometimes what it will feel like to leave my job and stay at home. Because I fully plan to do so someday, if God chooses to give me babies.

    It'll be strange, but I know God has me doing physical therapy for a reason, and these years aren't 'wasted' in the least ... I guess its all about seasons of life. :) In the long run, I'd rather say that I poured my heart and soul into my kids' lives than into a physical therapy practice.

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  15. I felt the same way when I quit my job while on mat leave. I needed another job but wasn't sure I would find one in my my field and being a designer was such a point of pride for me

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