Monday, August 25, 2014

This is 30

My friend Margaret Jacobsen took this photo of me right around my 30th birthday.  I consider it my official year 30 portrait.
I am 30 years old.  I have only been 30 for a little over one month, but I can tell you that being this age is much different than I expected it would be years ago.  To someone in their teens, 30 is SO OLD.  I still kind of think it sounds old, but it doesn't feel old.  I don't feel like a grown-up.  I'm not sure when that will settle in.  I already have two kids and I thought it would come by this point.
What I do feel is confidence.  I'm much more confident than I have ever been in my life.  I feel comfortable in my work and no longer have a high stress level when branching out to work on projects that are new.  My last three freelance jobs came to me, I didn't seek them out.  It is great to be at a point where opportunities are coming my way and I'm not having to awkwardly attempt to sell myself on limited merit.
I am also much more confident as a parent.  Taking the kids to the grocery store by myself isn't a big deal anymore.  If Pearl decides to throw a fit in the middle of Ikea, it barely phases me.  I don't worry about what people around me are going to think of my parenting as a result of the situation.  Kids are unpredictable, and even the calmest ones have their moments.  I also generally don't care as much about what people think which is quite liberating.
With young kids, I still don't have a lot of freedom to take much time for myself.  I have so many things that I would like to do.  I want to work-out regularly, read more, and build more quality relationships with friends.  I want to become more involved when it comes to social justice, make more art, and find my niche within my church.  I'm making steps to do some of these things now.  And as my kids age, I will have more time for myself.  When I look ahead to 40, I now think it sounds pretty exciting.  I wonder how many of these things I will be able to accomplish by then and what other twists and turns my life will take in that time.
Aging is scary.  I see my grandparents as their bodies and minds are deteriorating.  My parents are beginning to have health issues as well.  It is frightening to know that is eventually on the horizon for me, too (if I'm lucky enough to make it to old age).  But, at this point, I am able to recognize all of the amazing things that come along with getting older.  With age, I am learning more about who I am and sensing that I am capable of so many more things.
-Kira

9 comments:

  1. happiest (belated) birthday and appreciate your thoughts. i just turned 25 and 30 seems ages, yet seconds, away.
    ladies in navy

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    1. Been there, totally know what you mean!

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  2. Happy birthday! 30 was a tough year for me because it's like I'm officially a grown up and have to be responsible. Sorta funny when I say it out loud.

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  3. I turned 29 this year, and I have to agree with you - I'm finally at a point in my life when I feel I have more patience and tolerance, and less worries about things...life is crazy busy with the family, but right now I feel happier than ever. Thanks for sharing!!

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    1. I have struggled with insecurity my whole life so this really is such a difference. Glad you are feeling the same way!

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  4. Happy belated birthday! I'm 30, too, and didn't regret leaving my 20s behind. I hadn't considered thinking ahead to 40 (which sounds like a long time away!)—I can barely imagine what life will be like then.

    I'm glad to hear you're entering a new decade feeling so confident! High fives for 30!

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  5. you looks beautiful
    i have been 30 for a few months now and i agree with everything you just said.. it still sounds old, even to me but it is not old at all.. it is more confident, more secure and so much easier to just be myself.
    Happy Belated Birthday.

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  6. 30 looks wonderful on you. That picture is amazing and I'm so glad to hear about your confidence. I worry about myself as a soon to be mom because I can be insecure too and care too much of what others think. I hope I'm the same way at 30 (less than a year away for me!)

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